wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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