how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I touched a dick in church today
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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