i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
