Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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