i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize