Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
