She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
