Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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