Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
