My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize