I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
