It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
