You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
