Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
