i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Farmville is her only friend.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
