I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize