No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish you could order shots online.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
