Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
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He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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