why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
