we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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