i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
