i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Two words: nipple clamps
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