Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
