Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
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just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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