Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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