If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
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Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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