hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
