Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
