I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
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Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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