we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
