it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
