all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
