I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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