My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
