i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
