Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
