I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
