had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
