So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
