covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
