I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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