I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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