a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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