I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
