The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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