i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
