The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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