Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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