i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
do herpes really smell.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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