is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
