I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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