Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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