What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
