im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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