something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
