4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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