nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
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There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
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just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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