i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize