I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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