I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
