so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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