She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
