So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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