I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
