I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
