I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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