the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
