I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
