For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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