I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
