# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
this will be a night to untag.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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