He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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