Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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