that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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