also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
