dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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