my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
