I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
