i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
