i just sent this text using only my big toe
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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