do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
handjob tips. give me some.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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