if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
