Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize