He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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