whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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